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How To Break Through Fear And More Greatly Align With Your Authentic Self

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” 
― Brené Brown,
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

To be our authentic self, means total freedom – freedom to express oneself with ease, without fear of repercussions, to live in the way that makes our hearts sing, to do what we love for a living, and, for many of us, to be silly, smart, radical, tender, rebellious, vulnerable.

It is downright frightening to allow our authentic selves to breathe and show up in our daily lives. So, most of us find it easier to wear a mask that we feel is acceptable to the outside world.

Sometimes, we do it to survive. Because, at a given moment, to show fear reveals vulnerabilities, which opens our hearts up for attack. I hear of this fear from my patients who are high-level CEO’s, to my female patients who hold their own in the “all boys network” at their day jobs, to those who have been taught at an early age that being who they really are is unacceptable.

Let me make one thing clear. You are acceptable. ALL of you – warts, moles, scars, asymmetrical body features, or anything else you may find “imperfect” due to societal standards.

In order to be authentic, we’d have to strip away years of conditioned responses, the ones based on fear of abandonment, fear of ridicule from those we love, fear of not being accepted, fear of getting kicked out of the tribe. The latter of which is an old, primal fear. As in prehistoric primal fear. Because, back in the day, if we were kicked out of the tribe, we die. Some of us hold this Root Chakra issue very dear to ourselves.

I get how real the fear of being our real selves in public can be. I was one of those people who felt too imperfect – from feeling like I didn’t measure up to beauty standards as a child, to often being ostracized for my incredible sensitivity I exhibited from a very young age, to knowing that my way of thinking was not typical in “normal society”. Believing I was limited and flawed became natural for me.

I then went through what I affectionately call my “f*ck it” phase, that included long purple mohawks, slam dancing, going through emotional extremes, and zine writing, among other colorful and necessary outlets.

I am grateful for all the pain I’ve experienced, and for all of those who didn’t believe in me, because it made me fight to find myself.

And, here I am. Found. And, now I help others find who they are for a living.

So, what do you do when you’re paralyzed with fear about revealing your true self? When you feel like you can’t possibly be real?

You either shift, or the Universe will help you shift. And, I guarantee that you choosing to shift is the easier choice! (Click to Tweet)

Here’s how to break through fear and more greatly align with your authentic self:

Learn to love and accept yourself. I know this is basic for some of us, but it bears repeating. When we tell ourselves things that are not loving, such as critical remarks we make about our weight, our appearance, our skills, our performance at work, love, and life, we send a direct message to ourselves that we are unacceptable. When we do this, we become instantly disconnected from our Heart Chakra, which is our connection our Higher Self and our connection to Divine Love. Conversely, when we talk to ourselves with kindness and compassion, such as loving remarks that help us understand that we will know better for next time, that as real as our disappointments are, that we are actually closer to what we want by following our Hearts, we send a clear signal to our Heart that despite challenging situations, we can be real with the pain, but be compassionate with ourselves.

Favorite mantra for this: “I love ALL of myself, including my flaws.”

Find out what your Heart wants. I hear it all the time, that people feel the need to only follow the money when it comes to their career. I believed that too. For way too long. I was encouraged to be a Western physician, a lawyer, something “stable”. Although they are viable options for careers, that wasn’t in the cards for me. Most importantly, it wasn’t in my Heart. Once you stop trying to fit the mold, you start being more authentic to yourself. Once you stop trying to please others, and listen to your Heart, instead, you will discover that the Universe will start handing things to you on a silver platter. For real. As in high-vibrational opportunities! It is not uncommon for my patients to find that once they leave that unhealthy relationship, that toxic day job, or start doing what their Heart really wants, that the opportunities they secretly desired start lining up. Get quiet, put your hand on your Heart, and ask him/her/they what they want. Then, listen. That’s it. It takes practice, but it gets easier. I like the book by Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear And Take Life to the Next Level, if you’d like to explore what your Heart really wants, and how to overcome your fears.

Favorite mantra for this (with both hands over the Heart): “I trust my Heart, and the wisdom it offers.”

Develop your Inner Knowing. We can’t eradicate our caring what other people say, about the judgments they may have of us. Sometimes, we may have truly waved goodbye to the last f*ck we have left to give. At other times, the judgments still sting. The remedy to withstand through thick and thin? Care more about what YOU think than what others think. And, that takes development of Inner Knowing. Knowing who you are, what you’re made of, what you’re capable of, what you’re good at, what you really want most in life. This is a bit different from knowing what your Heart wants, though everything is related, isn’t it? The ways we develop our Inner Knowing is through self-reflection, introspection, making mistakes, and then making better choices. You can enlist the help of your Spirit Guides to ask them to help you best connect with your Inner Knowing. Be compassionate to yourself as you learn on this journey. It isn’t for the faint-hearted, and it takes courage, but is worth it ten times over.

Favorite mantra for this: “I care more about what I think than what other people think. I honor my Inner Knowing.”

What are your favorite ways to get to the core of your most authentic self?
Please let me know in the comments, below!

Authentically Yours,

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New website photos are coming!

Me and my photographer, Hal

Me and my photographer, Hal

Today, which ended up being the 2nd hottest day of the Summer in New York City, I had my photoshoot to update the Alcantara Acupuncture & Healing Arts website! Here’s Hal Horowitz and I in the East Village/Alphabet City, my old stomping grounds, and the site of our shoot. Keep your eyes peeled for some updated looks in the next few weeks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Copyright © 2015 by Alcantara Acupuncture & Healing Arts. All rights reserved. You may quote, copy, translate and link to this article, in its entirety, on free, non-donation based websites only, as long as you include the author name and a working link back to this website. All other uses are strictly prohibited.

5 Comments

  1. Lorna
    July 28, 2015

    Margarita! Thank you for this post! It is just what I needed – again! It’s as if you are my spiritual guide right now, presenting topics that I didn’t know I needed yet they pull me forward. What I appreciate so much about you and your writing is that you create an understanding of the topic first, in a very non-judgmental and digestible way, and then you provide guidance on how to address the issue along with resources for deeper understanding. Because of your post, I looked into Gay Hendricks book The Big Leap and the Upper Limit Problem describes exactly why I have been stuck. I now have tools and awareness to help me move through it. Margarita, even though I live thousands of miles away from you and we’ve never met in person and I only just discovered you a few weeks ago, through your blog you have already helped me so much on my journey toward self-healing, self-compassion and rebirth. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you! Blessings and much love, Lorna

    Reply
    • Margarita Alcantara, M.S.Ac., L.Ac., Reiki Master/Teacher
      July 28, 2015

      Hi Lorna,

      Thank you for visiting and dropping a comment! I’m so glad that my posts are helpful in your journey right now. I also appreciate your feedback on what works for you (in terms of how the article is laid out). Good things to know! I’m not sure where you’re located; but, I’m glad to be of service, even if from across the globe!

      Much love and light to you on your journey,
      Margarita

      Reply
      • Lorna
        July 28, 2015

        Thank you so much for sending love and light! It’s incredible how community can be formed over the internet. By the way, I just fact-checked myself and “thousands” of miles should have been “hundreds.” I live in Texas 🙂 which can seem much further than it really is!

        Reply
  2. Solomon Kobina Korley
    September 23, 2016

    Please I am from Ghana, West Africa. Thank you very much for helping many people across the world on ”How to break through fear and perfectly align with their authentic self”. I have found myself a victim of losing self for not quite long. Two months ago, something strangely happened to me. It has now discovered by doctors as Tension Headache, It’s a madness on it own, followed by darkness and strange sounds attach to it. Like I am being called to the evil world. I lost myself, and since then I am not my original self I used to know anymore. It’s scary, velvety darkness and uncomfortable even during the day. Anytime it happens, then it’s like my spirit is taking out of me, it would force me to take one of the prescribed drugs “Amitriptyline PO 12.5mg” so it makes me sleep to forget about those fears and madness attempting and reoccurring to me. But even with that one, it also follows with indescribable day-mare/nightmare. Someone who’s just going through the same issue but have had much experience about it linked me to your site.. It’s really exciting to know more about what’s really happening to me. The problem I have now is that anytime it occurs to me, I try to do what I love doing best to keep me on track but the fear in me speaks louder and dominate my whole being than what I love to do like I’m going crazy or something awful else is about to happen to me either. I’m doing my best perhaps it isn’t working. What should I do? It’s making me uncomfortable. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Margarita Alcantara, M.S.Ac., L.Ac., Reiki Master/Teacher
      September 24, 2016

      Hi Solomon,

      Thanks for your inquiry! I’m sorry to hear about your pain. It sounds like you’re taking psychiatric medications to assist you in your healing. I’m unable to comment on any side effects you may be experiencing on that. You’d need to discuss that with the medical practitioner who’d prescribed it to you to make sure it’s the best fit for you. Outside of that, in regards to your fear, I recommend seeing an energy worker/healer, such as a Reiki practitioner or Shaman who can help you address the energy imbalances you may be experiencing. Suffice to say, the fear sounds powerful, but it is not the truth. LOVE is the truth. Keep cultivating that. Also, check out my blog post, “Why Fear Of Survival Can Be Hazardous To Your Health (The Root Chakra)”.

      Blessings on your healing journey,
      Margarita

      Reply

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